her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
