feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
