Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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