I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
