she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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