So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
