I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
