i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
