Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
