halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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