sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
