That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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