Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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