is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We are all done wearing pants today
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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