never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
