K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
