So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
