You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
