Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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