Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
