just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
