I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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