I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
