Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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