You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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