I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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