I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
