I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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