i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
