I hope mine doesn't look like that
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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