i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just pee around me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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