We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
