ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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