Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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