someone owes me an orgasm
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
