He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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