I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
