Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
