HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
