i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
