if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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