yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
