I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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