oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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