I wish I could punch you in the face.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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