my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
