I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
