Kiss
Puke
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
