the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
