well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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