hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
